Something words can't describe..

I knew that it's gonna be hard. I've prepared myself mentally to face this thing. I have told myself that everything is gonna be alright. This is temporary, you have been through this before. You can do it again! As much as I told myself that I am strong, it is as much as my heart hurts. Really hurts. It comes to a point where I can't even cry because I was so sad that I can't feel my emotions anymore. Words can't describe how it feels like at that moment.

I woke up yesterday morning feeling like my world was unreal. It is called derealization in medical term. I felt so empty and did not know what should I do. I looked around my room and can't help but feeling absolutely nothing inside. I looked at the skype and I could see that my husband was still on the call with me, but I could not see any video due to slow internet connection. It was so sad because I could hear the sound of the wind from the fan in his room and I could hear him moving around during his sleep but I could not physically being there with him. At this point of time, I started to feel back some emotion. Tears straight away rolled down on my cheek. I could feel something now, real sadness.. I just cried and cried.. Until I fell back to sleep..

That night before I woke up, I have been dreaming about him. He carried me at his back and we went for a walk together in a nice shaddy area with lots of tree around it. What a nice dream.. It feels so real that I could feel his skin rubbing against my skin.. But when I woke up and suddenly realized he was not there next to me, it was so heartbreaking. I closed my eyes and took a slow deep breath.. I just want a warm cuddle from him.. ;( How I miss the moment when I woke up in the middle of the night and he was next to me.. I miss my big cozy warm pillow :(

I have been crying the whole day yesterday and now developed eyebags under my eyes.. Lost some appetite. Lost my motivation and courage. It takes me so much effort even to smile.. I just hope that this feeling won't last long.. I need to move on.. And only to Allah, I pray and I believe..

Cooking is fun.. But balik Msia lagi fun!!!

Assalamualaikum.

Terasa nak update blog pulak before balik Msia. Not much to write, but some pictures to share.. Recently, I started to develop some passion towards cooking especially baking (rather an addiction!).. Everyday, I will watch youtube videos on how to bake different types of cake and desserts. I would prefer the ones with ingredients that I have in the kitchen.. I believe that cooking is supposed to be fun, enjoyable and rewarding especially after seeing people enjoying your food.

And I guess cooking is a good hobby as well. Especially if there are so many ingredients left untouched in the kitchen drawer, and you just wanna use them before the expiry date. Kdg2 suka beli macam-macam, but in the end, tak guna pon sampailah tersimpan dalam almari entah berapa lame..

So, this month has been particularly a bit relax month for me because I always finish early every day and not much to study since there is no more exam for me. I used my free time to cook something simple but nice..

Chocolate muffins with some icing mixture on top. 

Who doesn't love chocolate right? 

Cotton-soft japanese cheesecake.. Yummy.. 

Would love to make this one again.. 

Roti arab cicah kari telur.. Lembut sgt roti ni.. 

Sesuai sarapan pagi.. 

Melting moments with cream cheese icing (Masterchef inspired)

Pancake with ice cream.. for breakfast.. 

Pandan chiffon cake (2nd attempt) 

Donut bersalut coklat.. I made this today.. 

Those are things that I cooked recently plus pizza.. Nanti balik Msia sambung masak utk husband plak.. Ok, xde idea nak cakap ape.. Just nak share some of my passion.. 

Azam: nak masak macam2 lagi, nak try ape yg tak pernah try.. Explore!! (Bak kate mother in law, cooking is all about exploring!)

And esok nak balik Msia.. Owh, so exciting!!!!!!!! 

End of semester holidays - pizza recipe!

Assalamualaikum.

Alhamdulillah, masih diberi kesihatan dan umur yang panjang untuk menikmati kehidupan yang sementara ini. Hari ni hari terakhir dalam semester ni sebelum bercuti selama 2 minggu. And after holidays, I have got one more semester before graduating! Alhamdulillah..

So, minggu ni sangat leisure sebab final mark and assessment for current rotation has been done last week since my supervisor is away this week to work in the country. And sgt excited nak balik Msia to meet my lovely hubby.  Miss him so much.. Ticket sume da ready, I'll be flying back on Sunday. Tak sabar rasanya nak bermanja2 dgn hubby yg dirindui.. Hehe..

Last Wednesday, I cooked 2 pizzas. Tetibe rajin nak buat sebab teringin nak makan. One with chicken and mushroom as the topping, and I put marinara mix for the other one. The taste is good (I think! Haha). Kalau kat Msia, xdenya rajin nak buat2 uli pizza sendiri, semua beli jea kalau teringin. Bagus jugak duduk oversea ni, byk la sikit belajar masak, kalau malas pon akan jadi rajin masak sebab terpaksa buat sendiri kalau teringin ape2. Firstly sebab makan luar mahal kalau kat sini, duit scholarship alhamdulillah cukup2 je menampung perbelanjaan, tapi xde la nak bermewah2.. Secondly sebab xdela byk sgt kedai makan yang halal and open 24 hours kat sini. Kalau kat msia, mamak kompen bukak memanjang. Raya2 pon diorg xtutup, dedicated betol diorg ni, sebab tula kedai mamak ni maju dan ramai pelanggan.

So, nak tunjuk sikit gambar pizza yang dibuat aritu bagi terliur sikit. Hehe.. Dah siap2 potong dah pizza ni, senang utk dimakan. Maaflah kualiti gambar xbest sgt. Almaklumlah, camera handset jea. Xkaye sgt nak beli DSLR.. :P

Pizza - chicken and mushroom 

Pizza - seafood marinara mix

Fresh from oven.. Ready for dinner.. 

Nak buat pizza ni bukan susah rupanya. Bahan2 yang digunakan pon murah, sgt affordable la. Just terfikir, betapa untungmya Pizza Hut, Dominos etc.. sebab charge mahal2 utk pizza. Kalau buat sendiri, satu pizza tu tak sampai 5 dollar pon! 

Ok, disebabkan dah tunjuk gambar pizza, kenala share recipe dia plak. Mudah jea.. 

Bahan-bahan:

Tepung pizza

2 cwn tepung gandum

2 sudu teh yis segera

1/2 sudu teh garam 

1 sudu teh gula

2 sudu besar minyak sayur - saya guna olive oil

1/2 - 1 cwn air suam (utk menguli) 

Sos pizza

1 bwg besar

2 bwg kecil

2 biji tomato (cincang) 

2 sudu besar minyak masak

3 sudu besar tomato puri (saya xde tomato puri, so letak 5 sudu besar sos tomato) 

2 sb sos tomato 

3/4 sudu teh gula

1 sudu teh oregano (boleh la tambah herbs yg lain kalau suka. Sy tambah bolognese herbs jugak)

Tumis semua bahan sos sampai mendidih dan pekat. 

Topping

Ape2 je boleh. Suka hati. 

Mozarellah cheese (shredded)

Cara-cara: 

1. Masukkan semua bahan kecuali air dalam bekas. Masukkan air suam sikit2 sambil menguli. Agak2 doh jadi lembut tak melekat, boleh la stop masukkan air. 

2. Perap selama 1 jam dalam bekas yang ditutup dengan cling wrap. Biarkan doh naik dua kali ganda. 

3. Lepas tu boleh la uli dan ratakan lebih kurang 5 mm. 

4. Ratakan sos pizza atas adunan tadi. 

5. Taburkan cheese sikit. 

6. Letakkan ape2 topping yang disukai. 

7. Letak cheese yang selebihnya.

8. Bakar pizza pada suhu 200 degree celcius selama 25-30 minutes

Ok. selamat mencuba ye. Nanti nak buat pizza ni bila balik Msia, nak bagi hubby rasa plak. Hopefully hubby suka nanti. :) 

Lepas ni nak kena belajar lagi macam2 masakan so that nanti encik suami xdela bosan saya asyik masak menda yang sama jea.. 

Of Baking and Pandan Chiffon Cake

Assalamualaikum.

Alhamdulillah masih bernafas lagi hari ini. Dapat menggunakan nikmat oxygen yang Allah bagi free. Teramat sombong bagi hamba Allah yang tak bersyukur.

Lately, saya sangat passionate utk memasak especially baking. Setiap kali surf internet, mesti akan tengok resepi2 kek yang boleh dicuba. Selagi xbuat kek tu, memang akan teringat2 je dalam kepala ni. This thing started after I got married to my lovely husband. Selepas berkahwin duduk di rumah mentua. And mak mentua (mama) memang suka memasak. Even petang2 lepas balik kerja penat2, mama akan buat something utk minum petang. Dalam pukul 7, mama terus masak utk dinner plak. Pagi2 mama bangun awal utk buat breakfast. Walaupun bekerja, mama memang x miss masak.

So, saya rasa peluang di Adelaide ni boleh digunakan utk mencuba pelbagai masakan dan bile dah balik Malaysia nanti, boleh la masakkan utk suami tercinta. Kalau boleh, busy2 mcm mane pon, saya nak suami saya makan hasil air tangan isteri dia sendiri. And lepas tu, saya try masak pelbagai jenis masakan yang saya mampu buat. Xdela sampai tahap masterchef, but i challenge myself utk masak something yang tak pernah try before.

Awal2 semangat utk masak dan baking ni, tak terfikir nak ambil gambar pon. Tapi lately rajin pulak ambil gambar sebagai kenangan sendiri, usually sebab nak tnjuk kat suami. I have been a bit too passionate this month to cook. Teringat husband pernah kata dia suka makan kek pandan chiffon yang beli kat kedai kek/jusco, so saya pon try la buat sendiri.

Inilah hasilnya selepas dipotong. 

Memang sedap la kek ni. Ringan dan lembut. 

(Sorry gambar tak cantik)

So, this time nak share recipe utk kek pandan ni, memang tak rugi buat. Saya buat utk berbuka puasa. Sekali makan jea, habis separuh kek ni. Resepi ni ambil kat internet jea. Tapi tengok review orang, semua kata jadi ok, saya pon try la. Ok, here it goes:

Ingredients of batter 
5 egg yolks
20 gm caster sugar
100 gm cake flour
1 tsp baking powder
100 ml coconut milk
2 Tbsp pandan juice (see below for making pandan juice)
a few drops pandan essence/pandan paste, optional
3 Tbsp olive oil

Method

1.  Preheat oven to 170C (338F)
2. Beat the egg yolks with a balloon whisk and mix in 20 grams of sugar
3. Add coconut milk, pandan juice, and a few drops of pandan paste (if desired). Combine well.
4. Sift in cake flour and baking powder in three batches into the egg yolk mixture. Mix well.
5. Lastly, add olive oil. Set aside.


Ingredients of egg whites
5 egg whites
60 gm caster sugar
1/2 tsp cream of tartar
Ingredients of pandan juice:
10 pandan leaves, fresh or frozen
1 1/2 Tbsp water

Method
1. Use a large clean bowl, making sure there’s no water or oil in it.
2. Beat the egg whites with an electric mixer until bubbles form.
3. Add the cream of tartar. Mix well.
4. Add the 60 grams of sugar in three batches, about one-third at a time, and beat well between additions. 5. Continue to beat until stiff peaks form
6. Spoon out 1/3 of the beaten egg whites and fold into the egg mixture. Lightly fold in the rest of the beaten egg whites with a spatula, until just combined.
7. Pour into the cake pan and bake in preheated oven for about 35 to 40 minutes
8. After baking the first 15 minutes, if you find your cake gets browning, reduce heat to 150C（302F）, continue to bake until cooked through. A needle comes out clean when inserted in the middle.
9. Remove cake from the oven. invert the pan immediately. Allow it to cool completely (very important step to make sure your cake does not drop)

To make pandan juice
1. Chop pandan leaves into chunks, pop in a food processor/blender and add about 1 1/2 tablespoons of water. Process to small pieces.
2. Place pandan leaves in a muslin bag and squeeze out the juice. You need about 2 tablespoons of it to make this cake. If you don’t have a muslin bag, just use your clean hand to squeeze out the juice

So, it is not that difficult actually to make a chiffon cake. I think the most important steps are beating the egg until stiff peaks form and fold the beaten egg whites and batter gently but confidently to maintain the light texture.

Ok, next time nak share pulak cara nak buat cotton-soft japanese cheesecake yang delicious. Kat bawah ni gambar dia. Memang yummy.. :)

Cotton-soft japanese cheesecake.. 

Selamat mencuba ye resepi kek pandan chiffon tu! 

Breakfast di Hotel Grand Lexis. Terbangun lambat pagi tu. 

Tu yang sembap je mata masing-masing. 

I am back!

Assalamualaikum. 

Almost 6 months now! Lama sungguh x update blog yg tak seberapa ni. Kesian kat blog ni, terabai. Maaflah, banyak sangat tanggungjawab yang perlu dipenuhi dalam masa yang limited. Tapi alhamdulillah hari ni, diberikan sedikit masa utk tulis something. :) 

Kalau nak ikutkan, sgt banyak menda yang boleh dishare for the past 6 months. I don't know where to start actually. But what i can say is I am so thankful to Allah for this great life. Terlalu banyak nikmat dan rahmat. Thanks Allah, ALHAMDULILLAH.. 

Satu perkara yang mungkin menarik utk dikongsi adalah tentang long-distance marriage. Selalunya lepas kahwin, semua orang mesti nak tinggal sekali dengan pasangan masing2, tp dalam situasi sekarang ni, saya dan suami terpaksa tinggal berjauhan. Sob3.. Hari-hari rindu-rinduan, nak buat macam mane, terpaksa la menguatkan diri. Saya masih berlajar di Adelaide, insyaAllah tinggal lagi 1 semester. Perjalanan sy di sini sgt panjang, 1 tahun setengah utk preparation (AUSMAT or South Australian Matriculation) dan 6 tahun medical degree. Adelaide masih lagi mengekalkan 6 tahun utk MBBS. Walaupon di tempat lain kebanyakannya dah jadi 5 tahun! So in total 7 and 1/2 years utk mendapat undergraduate degree! Kalau bidang lain, dah bole dapat phd da kot. 

Berbalik pada long-distance marriage, seriously bukan mudah bagi suami dan isteri. Physically, mentally, emotionally dan semua2 la.. Especially awal2 berjauhan. Selepas bernikah pada 21/01/12, alhamdulillah kami dapat tinggal bersama selama 7 minggu. Antara saat-saat paling manis dalam hidup saya personally, dapat mengenali suami dan menyesuaikan diri dengan kehidupan berumahtangga. Antara memori paling best haruslah waktu pergi honeymoon dengan kekasih halal. Honeymoon pertama, kami pergi ke Port Dickson, dekat jea. Xsampai 2 jam drive dah sampai. Berapa banyak duit habis jangan tanye la. Duduk di Hotel Grand Lexis selama 3 hari 2 malam. Yang paling best sebab die ade swimming pool dalam bilik. Senang sikit nak mandi manda xperlu jaga aurat. 

Swimming pool dalam bilik. Walaupon xberapa besar,

tapi just nice la utk 2 org. 

Waktu malam di kawasan hotel. Resort ni atas air. 

So bila keluar malam2, bole dengar bunyi air laut 

dan tengak sunset :)

First time main table tennis dengan Abang. Nasib baik 

dua-dua tau main. Best! 

Ok, cukuplah tu utk first honeymoon. Time dekat port dickson ni, tibe2 suami suggest pergi Pulau Pangkor the next week. Ingatkan main-main, sekali betul2 pergi Pulau Pangkor eventually with plan yang mengejut. Kami xtempah ape2 hotel or resort pon sebelum pergi. Memang orang kata pakai redah je pergi. Kami sampai di jeti lumut pukul 12 malam hari jumaat dan sewa satu budget hotel utk tidur satu malam jea. Awal pagi terus gerak naik feri ke Pulau Pangkor. Waktu parking kereta di parking building Jeti Lumut pagi tu, kebetulan ade sorg agent resort ni approach kami, dan terus carikan resort di Pulau Pangkor. 

Honeymoon kali ni lain dari yg first. The first one in PD is like a high class honeymoon, most of the time dalam bilik, mandi swimming pool, then makan pon dekat hotel buffet. But for Pulau Pangkor, we spent most of the time outdoor. Naik motor keliling pulau, snorkeling sampai 2 kali, mandi pantai sampai hilang kunci bilik (so kena bayar sebab hilangkan kunci) and asyik keluar makan jea. Haha, sehari berapa kali ntah pergi keluar makan. 

Tp moment yang paling best di Pulau Pangkor bila ktrg pergi merentas laut ke satu pulau kecil. Rasanya name pulau tu Coral Island. Bila waktu tengahhari air dah surut, ktrg literally berjalan kaki merentas laut ke pulau tu. Di dasar laut tu pulak, ade banyak sgt timun laut- ala2 gamat hitam, lembik, slimy dan menggelikan. Kebetulan selipar saya tercabut kat tengah2 laut tu, so memang akan terpijak makhluk2 yang lembik itu. Sebab husband saya sgt sweet and strong, Abang telah menawarkan diri utk dokong sy (piggy back), dan dengan gembiranya saya pon bersetuju. Hehe. And dengan sepenuh tenaga, Abang dokong merentasi laut sampai ke Coral Island. It takes about 10-15 minutes kot time tu. So sweet and romantic time tu. :) 

Atas feri dari Jeti Lumut ke Pulau Pangkor

Tengok sunrise same2.. Kukuh je buaian ni 

walaupon nampak senget semacam jea. :)

Rasanye mcm dah lari topik jea, mule2 tadi nak cerita pasal long-distance marriage, tbe2 jadi cerita pasal honeymoon plak. Tp bila dapat bercuti dengan suami, memg sgt best sbb boleh explore ape2 je together. Selama ni xpernah buat pon jadi boleh buat lepas kahwin. And saya sangat bersyukur sebab saya dan suami kami same2 sekepala. So senang nak decide pergi mane2 dan buat aktiviti together. 

I think that's enough for this time. Rasa byk sgt nak tulis sbb dah lame mengabaikan blog ni. And next week I am going home for holidays. Excited sgt nak balik jumpa suami, family dan anak2 buah yg baru dilahirkan. Tp paling excited haruslah nak jumpa suami. Selama berjauhan, hanya dapat dengar suara dan tgk video through skype. Next week dapat physically bersama dengan suami, satu rahmat dan nikmat yang sangat besar. InsyaAllah :) 

Saat lepas akad nikah. First time pegang tangan Abang. 

First time cium tangan suami yang dicintai :) 

Some pics and sneak a peek for my wedding..

Assalamualaikum. Malam ni xnak tulis panjang2, just nak share some pics, konon2 mcm gazet sebelum kahwin. (poyo jea.. haha.. sebenarnya excited nak kahwin!)

Borang kebenaran berkahwin! Dah boleh nikah dah ni. Menghitung minggu dan hari. 

Sneak a peek - baju nikah. Lama dah beli ni. Bergantung je dalam bilik. 

One of the souvenirs.. I like this one. Simple and nice.. 

English theme. A project by Dr.Nora and her sons (2 anak lelaki dia yang tolong buat ni, jangan main2) 

Another souvenir.. Selagi ada bunga, semua benda pon kena ada bunga sebagai hiasan. 

Itulah perempuan. (specifically me) hehe.. 

Masih kosong tanpa potpouri. Letak awal2 kang hilang bau wangi dia. :)

Bunga-bunga cinta, kembang mekar di hati kita. cewahhh.. layan jiwang sikit.. 

terima kasih sebab sudi membaca blog sy yang xseberapa ni.. (xde la bace sgt kan, gambar je byk) 

And last but not least...

Selamat menyambut hari ulangtahun pertunangan kepada bakal suami, Muhammad Aslam bin Abu Bakar. Semoga jodoh kita dipanjangkan sehingga ke Jannah nanti. InsyaAllah. Jodoh mempertemukan kita dengan kuasa Ya Rabb. Walau jauh beribu batu, tapi tidak ada apa yang dapat menghalang penyatuan jodoh kita. Semoga segalanya berjalan lancar. Masih teringat kata-kata bakal suami baru-baru ini 

"Pernikahan kita ini sebenarnya nak menjadikan kita lebih baik" ~ Ameen~ Perancangan Allah adalah yang terbaik. Syukur di atas nikmat dan kebesaranMU.. 

Di hari pertunangan. 1.1.11

Sekian. 

Pre-wedding..

Masa bergerak dengan pantas. Dah 3 minggu rupanya balik Malaysia. Baru sempat nak berehat-rehat sikit. Sepanjang 3 minggu lepas, memang busy sgt, from beli barang nak kahwin, settlekan borang kahwin sampailah renew passport kat jabatan imigresen. And next week da start placement di hospital putrajaya. Cepatnya masa berjalan.

Bercakap pasal wedding preparation, saya ni bukan jenis yang teliti. List to do utk wedding ni pon letak dalam list to do kat handphone tu haa.. So far perkara-perkara penting dah settle, tinggal nak nikah jea. Antaranya:

1. Borang kebenaran berkahwin lelaki & perempuan (paling penting, xde ni, xboleh kahwin atau pon kena melalui mahkamah kalau xdapat kebenaran). Yang ni da settle last week. Alhamdulillah, lancar je, xde masalah.

2. Tempahan catering utk kenduri - Dah settle, catering from shah alam. Ni family yang uruskan. tau2 da ade jea.. Hehe..

3. Khemah utk kenduri - Same jugakla yg ni, kakak yg tolong tempahkan. Balik Msia da settle ditempah. Colour sume da pilih. Pasrah je la.. Haha..

4. Tempah tok imam utk nikahkah. Memang kenal pegawai nikah ni, mudah sikit urusan. Yang best, dia ada bacaan ikrar pengantin lelaki, perempuan, dan wali selepas akad. Dia rajin sikit nak sediakan ikrar2 tu semua nampak nikah tu ade protokol. I loike~

5. Baju pengantin, solekan, pelamin, photographer - Yang ni, memang tempah pakej kat orang yg same. Kenal dengan mak andam ni jugak. So, senang kerja. Baju da tempah sume, belah lelaki dan perempuan. Colour tema belah perempuan - Peach pink. Colour tema belah lelaki - biru firus. Baju biru firus tu cantik, memang berkenan sgt. Tak sabar nak pakai... Hehe.. Pelamin pon dah pilih. Alhamdulillah :)

6. Videographer - Awal2 dah tempah sbb takut tarikh tu ramai org kahwin. Video utk majlis nikah dan bersanding. Yang ni tak habis fikir lagi style video camne yg sy nak. Ade sape2 boleh kasi idea? hehe..

7. Kad kahwin - Dah pos sebahagiannya. Utk org2 kampung ni, ada yang belum bagi. Next week, kena jalan naik kereta pass sendiri kat rumah2 sekitar ni. Nak harapkan sape lg. Sendiri la kena buat. Hehe..

8. Bilik pengantin - On the way. Byk lagi x settle mcm hiasan sume tuh. Nanti la cari idea dulu.

9. Goodies - Dalam proses utk buat. Buat awal2 sgt nnt xbest plak. Sikit-sikit lama-lama jadi bukit. Ada sape2 nak tlg??

10. Hantaran - barang sume da settle, tinggal nak hias. Ni boleh buat dalam minggu terakhir sebelum nikah. Ada makcik offer nak tolong buatkan. Boleh fikirkan kemudian

11. Baju keluarga - Semua dah tempah. Settle. Beli kain dekat jakel. Masing2 tempah ikut citarasa sendiri.

12. PA system - ni mak yang tempah.

13. Kompang - Not yet. Belum sempat lg nak book.

14. Pengapit - Sudah ada! hehe.. You know who you are.. :)

Rasanya tu je kot so far.. Nanti nak kena tgk balik checklist. Lagi 4 minggu nak kahwin! Hehe.. Excited but takut jugak. Tanggungjawab makin bertambah.

Nampak sweet kek ni.. Yummy... 

Ok, nak pergi kenduri kahwin. Thanks for reading my blog. :)